Mirror Me

There is nothing I wish more than to look like I did 10 years ago. I wish 10 years ago, I would have been able to look myself in the mirror and believe that I saw a beautiful person staring back at me.

It wasn't until I went through some old pictures I had that I realized just how beautiful I was. Was.

Now I look in the mirror and see an aged, fat, ugly person staring back at me. My hair has greyed, my ass is bigger, and I feel old. I look old. I look worn. I look stressed.

I can finally, sort of, understand how my ex-husband felt. He was a lot older than me, and was always insecure about his age in comparison to mine.

Now that I am dating someone younger than me, I get that. Grant it, he is only younger by five years -- But he still has the look of youth in his eyes, in his face. He's attractive, thin, athletic, young. I don't understand what he sees in me. As stated above, I am the complete opposite.

I can picture me, the me of 10 years ago, in the present standing next to him -- And I'd feel deserving. But me, the 28 year old me, standing next to my 23 year old athletic, attractive boyfriend -- Seems wrong in a sense. He's the type that looks like he belongs with a young, size 6, blonde beauty.

Not me. Not an over-weight, old, ugly woman with grey hair protruding from the depths of her scalp who has too many health problems now to count and will probably end up in a fucking nursing home by the time she's 30.