A Revelation

So when I came home from work, I asked my b/f to read my blog. As usual, I tried to explain it the best I could, but the words came out jumbled and screwed up.

He read it. He reminded me, "This is your past."

I reminded him, "Its not one's past if it still effects one's present."

How true is that?

I mean sure, the actual physical experiences may have happened 10-15 years ago. But because I have shoved it into a dark corner of my soul, it manifests itself in my life in different ways. Why? Because I haven't fully dealt with it. Make sense?

For instance, my 'control' issue, which was blogged about previously (See "Control"), is manifested from many bad experiences in which I gave up 'control' and allowed someone else in; someone else to control my heart; someone else to control my finances; someone else to control my emotions. So instead of dealing with it, because it is or might be too painful, I pushed it aside. And now, subconsciously, I feel the need to control everything.

This can also be related to food. But I'm not going to sit here and blame what happened in my past for knocking on McDonald's door in a time of crisis.

With revelation, comes knowledge. With knowledge, comes a plan. With a plan, comes healing.

I'm just going to have to figure out where to start.