Is There Life After Love?

I suppose it was inevitable.

Doomed from the start, I lived my life for the past two and a half years bound by the beating of my own heart, in love with a facade.

I would have given up anything to fix it, and I did. I gave up everything. And now all that I find myself left with shattered pieces of a broken heart. I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

Then again, this happens every other week. And every other week, I find myself drowning in my own self-pity and distraught feelings of worthlessness begging the question, "Why am I not good enough."

The difference this time is that I'm not crying and I'm not waiting for an apology and a broken promise to be made. The mending glue has finally run its course and the bottle is bone dry. I do, however, feel the faint thrashing of my own foot against my ass.

I know that somewhere within the confines of my battered esteem that therein lies a beautiful person who has the ability to love, and to love unconditionally. And somehow, someway, someone will return that unconditional, pure, unadulterated love. It just so happens, that I must come to grips with the fact that this will never be 'the one'.

One will place the blame on another because they are blind to their own insecurities and self-loathing, which I believe is the reason for their blatant disrespect towards the gift of unconditional love.

While I believe in consequence and the spirit of disagreement what really warrants infidelity?

Did my constant 'bitching' about the house being clean warrant an emotional affair?

Did my constant stress concerning the financial hardships placed on my shoulders constitute an internet search for other attractive women and/or ex-girlfriends?

Is my skepticism justified because you have failed to tell me the truth time and time again?

How can you expect trust, if you cannot earn it?

How can you expect to build a foundation on quick sand?

How can you expect me to fix anything if you're so willing to break it?

Constant chaos. A constant revolving door of lies, betrayal, fighting.

When I gave up my life for you, I did it without hesitation because I knew in my heart that you were my everything and without you I was lost. I never expected a thank you, but I did expect that you would cherish me as I proved to you that I cherished you as well.

When I gave up my life for you, I dove in. Feet first with no fear and absolute trust. I did this with a smile on my face and zero regret in my heart. I don't expect you to fall on your knees and praise me, I did however expect you to respect my heart a little more than what you have shown.

I fought an uphill battle for entirely too long. I tried to save the both of us to no avail and fell flat on my face every time. I loved you with every ounce of myself and invested all of my self-worth into you.

I wanted this to make it work because I didn't want another broken family; I didn't want to know that the years invested were a waste; I didn't want to uproot my heart; I didn't want to give up.

At the end of the day, I know that she isn't better than me. I just don't know if you know that.

You will regret this.
You will realize that just how much I gave and allowed you to take.
You will realize that I have been the only one in your life thus far who has loved you unconditionally and would have died upon your request.
You will realize that tramps come a mile a minute, but a woman who devotes herself and her life to you is sometimes once in a lifetime.
You will realize there is not another one of me.
You will realize that all of my imperfections made me perfect.
And when you realize this - It will be too late.