Girl - Your ass is FAT; And not PHAT.

So knowing you've got a fat ass, is different than a doctor telling you your ass is fat.

I've always been unhappy with the way I look. Even when I was 130 pounds, it still wasn't good enough. I'm convinced. Being fat AND happy is a far fetched reality that the overweight population attempts to reach, but fails at time and time again.

I've tried telling myself, "You were skinny and unhappy, so weight isn't a factor." NOT. My weight might not be the entire reason for my unhappiness, but its definitely a contributing factor. In the grand scheme of things, I'd rather be skinny and unhappy.

I tried telling myself, "Who cares what everyone else thinks!! Screw them all. You can be as fat as you want!" NOT. While evaluating myself, I've found it really has never been about what everyone else thought. It was about what the girl looking at back at me in the mirror thought.

I tried telling myself, "Well maybe you're not as big as you perceive. When you were 130 pounds, you still thought you were fat, right?" NOT. The scale don't lie, honey.

I tried telling myself, "You've had children. Come on. It could be worse. You could be the 1000 pound man." NOT. 400 pounds, 1000 pounds -- its all the same. Get real. We're not talking about a 10 pound differential.

I tried telling myself, "Are you really going to waste life away not enjoying what you want?" NOT. If I keep it up, I guess I won't have a life to waste away. Not that I'd die necessarily, but before I turn 40 I'll be the fat lady riding around in her ride-on grocery cart with 'cankles' the size of my head.

So, before I even initially went to the doctors for my lower-back issues, I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore. Although I have been lackadaisical going forward with my weight loss movement, the urge to be half of myself has not been completely void. Instead of just failing, I thought it might be a great idea to take it slow. Looking back, that's just procrastination in sheep's clothing.

My doctor said to me today, "If you were to lose 10% of your body weight, that will help with the constant pain you are in."

My interpretation, "Girl, your ass is fat. Lose the weight and you won't bitch about your back pain anymore."

I have a constant bird chirping in my ear reminding me how disgustingly fat I have become, and now my doctor is saying it. Wonderful.

That's a dose of reality I could have gone without knowing. Doesn't he know that he just ruined me trying to fool myself into being fat and happy?

I am hoping by the time I hit that 130 mark, I'll be hugging this doctor. However, for now he can take his 2 cents and shove it up his rear end for ruining my day.