Control

The cure for trouble on the home front = Pepridge Farm (sp?) Soft Chocolate Chip Cookies!

So, as I do everyday, I went home for lunch and watched Dr. Phil. Hell, we all need some therapy, right? I'm sure I need more than an episode of Dr. Phil -- but it works for me.

So anyway, the show was about this super controlling woman. She complained about how her husband helped clean the house, complained about how he spent his own money, complained about how he dressed, complained about what time he slept, what time he woke up, how long he was in the shower, how he interacted with their son.. She complained and attempted to control EVERYTHING.

What an eye-opening show. I was this woman. (figuratively speaking)

My b/f and I got into an argument about my controlling ways and how when things aren't done how I think they need to be, I get frustrated, temperamental, and angry. In retrospect, I see that getting that worked up because the pillows on the couch aren't facing the right way is ridiculous. But again, that's looking back and all that means nothing in the moment.

The key (on the show) was when her husband said, "She is very difficult to live with." HOLY CRAP! This is totally me. I'm totally the difficult one. I totally tell people that about myself all the time.

Don't get me wrong. I don't enjoy that. I don't want to be the one having a friggin' anxiety attack over the exact position in which the couch cushions are placed. I don't want to be a 'bitch' about it all. I don't want to be the unrelenting 'nag'. But how do I stop? How do I let go without freakin' the hell out?

Simple. Just do it.

Like with food, it tastes so wonderful with the grease, extra cheese, mayonnaise and the mushrooms (only to make myself feel like I'm eating a little more healthy) on my big fat cheesesteak, but its hard to let go. Its hard to change what has been a habit for so long.

I mean, if Ben and Jerry aren't going to be there to comfort me in my time of tears -- Who the hell will be?

So, I'm going to do it. I'm going to attempt to let go of the reins and hope we all don't crash and burn if someone else is in 'control'.

Because like Dr. Phil says, "If your plan was really that perfect, and you were really that smart, they'd listen to you, like it and have a smile on their face."