Broken Barriers, Broken Hearts

Barriers that are broken, are just that. Broken.

Ponder this: When you engage in conversation with a stranger, do you really tell them your inner-most thoughts?

I am assuming your answer is "Of course not."

You have walls, barriers, blockades. One has to gain trust through time in order to gain entry.

Now ponder this: When you have begun a relationship, be it platonic or not, do you really tell that, now, significant other your inner-most thoughts?

Again, I will assume your answer is "Depends on the person, circumstances, etc."

Fair enough. Lets take it long term. Again, a relationship, be it platonic or not in which you have shared months with this person. You have formed a bond with this person. Trusted this person.

Lets imagine for a moment you're dating. Fun, right? Relationships are always exciting, fresh and raw in the beginning. There is so much to learn as you both begin to trust one another. Holding hands gives you butterflies; hearing their voice, feeling their breath on your cheek can turn a dark day bright; there seems to be an electrical current when your hand touches theirs.

As you begin to explore one another, days pass which soon turn into months. And then with one fail swoop an argument ensues because of a disagreement you've had over who left a dirty sock on the floor. Astonished you are like a deer in the headlights. You had just told all your friends that (s)he was perfect; you could not believe that you had found someone that you never had a fight with. And now it all comes crashing down.

Face it. No relationship, be it platonic, romantic, whatever, will stand the test of time without so much as a roll of the eyes or a disagreement. That is fantasy, totally and completely.

But what happens when trust is gained and disagreements turn into screaming matches? Frustration turns into obscenities? Doubt replaces hope?

I think it depends on which barrier has been violated. There are some barriers that are trivial in nature and can be easily fixed with some super glue or flowers.

But there are also barriers that are rooted deep inside the inner-workings of your soul which once broken are just that. Broken.

I believe that if a man has the nerve to call you out of your name in a moment of anger, he shows a serious lack of respect. While we can explain until our last breath and we are blue in the face the importance of showing and having respect, it doesn't work. I constantly find myself reminding myself the same old redundant line. "You can't teach and old dog new tricks." The only person you CAN change in this world, is you. However, don't change for someone else. Change for yourself, or find someone who can accept you for exactly who are you and what you believe in. Selling yourself short, and settling for less than what you truly deserve will only damage your own self worth in the long run.

It is unfortunate for me that I allow the disrespect the mount until each barrier has cracked and fractured and there is hope in sight. Not that this is exactly the correct method, but the anger and frustration replace some of the heartache in the end. Sort of a self-preservation technique. The other unfortunate fact is I seem to find myself in relationships with men who I allow to break each and every barrier, be it trivial or consequential, until there is nothing left to break, but my heart.

In short, the sayings are true. If he cheats once, he'll do it again. If he hits once, he'll do it again. And in short, if you allow him to disrespect you, it will never cease.